Complicate & contradict

I really don’t know how I should say about my feeling recently. Everything rushes together in my mind and I am so depress. Registration should be a very happy day, a cheerful, memorable and a yearning day!

But now, I am thinking that I probably choose the wrong day for my registration. This is already the 3rd date that I choose. My 1st desired date will be on Valentine’s Day / Chinese New Year of 2010. This is a special day for me - 双喜日嘛！I will never meet the same circumstances again in the rest of my entire life. Em…wrong… I should able to for another 52 year (not sure the number is correct, but should be around this figure), but already 70++ old lady… It was cancelled since I am not able to prepare all the paper works needed in time, there are arguments in my family, his family not able to make it…… a lot of reasons, should not be any when I look back nowadays…

Then, I choose for 328. Come on, this is really good too, a sound good number! Yes, finally I get another date which I like so much. It is on Sunday, no one needs to apply leave to be present in my registration. Is it so bad my luck this year? I got to postpone it again due to my mum’s eye issue! Her eye pressure went up high and causing her nauseous, headache and faint. She was suffering 2 weeks time in hospital and had gone through eye surgery, but her vision still not able to totally recovery. She is my witness, I am not able to change any witness during the day of registration and it is definitely sure that I wish everyone of my family member to attend to my registration.

I choose to postpone to 417, nothing special for me, but will be a special date for me in future! Actually all 3 days that I choose are the date suitable for marriage as I check from the Chinese calendar. It seem to be alright to me and him. But this time, it’s my issue. Yes, I am on leave today to settle down my stressed emotion and to be prepared for my special day in my life. I need more rest since I cannot sleep well for the last few weeks. But now my mind full of work stuffs… I am not a crazy work girl, I wish I can always separate work and private life apart, but I am not able to do so during the stressful period. Everything must be settle in rush, lack of manpower, only I one person handle the ISO stuffs. Actually I shouldn’t say that I am the only person handle ISO stuffs, yes my colleague do help me but they still do not understand the whole concept, how to relate to their work, even after gone through 2 sections of training. Actually it is connected, how they do their jobs, it is all about record keeping. But documentation review only can be done by me alone, how can I finish all? It involve written procedures, the records noted in the production; how to react accordingly to the related records, any correction active etc. It is never being easy, man! I have the knowledge but no experience, never mind, I am welling to learn! Time issue! My consultant always said it is alright, should be no problem! Huh, should be, I don’t want any should be, I need a definite answer!

Please do give me time. I can’t always split into 3: Navision acct system, ISO, machinery issue & installation. I do tell about the manpower issue and my boss simply pushes one extra man from his other company to me. Yes he can help me to do stock taking, same simple paper work. At 1st, I plan to ask him to help me to do production data key in into Navision but I can’t, really can’t! Auditing activities is on end of Feb and March, and the most ridiculous is Navision do not allow any mistake at all! I am not dare to ruin the whole data and waiting for Sg support again. I already spend too much of time in doing the coordinating work in Navision which supposed not under my responsibility. My bf said that I always want to be gd guy but in fact I just thinking of quick quick settle the job and we can move on to ISO.

Ai, truth never as we wish, issue by issue coming up, never ends! How can I past the data to a new guy? My boss ask me to ignore the machinery part, focus on the ISO, I only gone for 2 days staying in the office and what happen to the new machine that I installed? Temporary installed pipe breakages, broken rice all around, dust accumulation inside the machine, what happen to the cleaning job after work? I already told the worker to clean it every day after end of operation!!!! Is there any one that I can depend on?

These all are work stuffs, and it affect my own personal life!!!! I don’t want this happen to me, work exhausts all my energy!!?? I am so sorry my dear!!! I still am finding a better way to handle my emotion, how to isolate work from personal life, at least not to have any bad influence in my personal life. I urgently need a way to settle this BIG ISSUE!! My darling, please do patient with me, I understand that you are really very patient with me. Thank you for always beside me whenever I need. Can i ask for more patient?

My enqueries: 人生真的是努力过就足够吗？一分耕耘，一分收获？人在做，天在看吗？累了可以停下来休息，无所谓吗？我应该如何照顾我这颗纯纯的心呢？